Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
