Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
These tits shall not be calmed
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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