I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
