Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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