I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
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They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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