i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
