Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Someone signed my nipple.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
