All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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