They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
