We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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