the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
