haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
