I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
