we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I got her a Nickelback box set.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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