A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Randomize
