can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
