then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
