she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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