is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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