I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
