I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
