You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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