What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
