ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
