While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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