What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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