thus making me awesome and them whores
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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