Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
