Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
