you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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