And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
