....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
