Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
