but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
