The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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