Swine flu. Run for my life!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize