I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
