You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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