this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
