I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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