my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
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we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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