i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
