alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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