Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
