Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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