yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
