i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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