She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
