Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
