you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
