if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
