I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
