If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
