I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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