Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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