Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
