Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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