Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
