Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
