Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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