I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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