What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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