I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
