i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
