Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
