Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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