nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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