Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
