is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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