well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
