You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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