I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
